Ah, I cannot begin to tell you how good it felt to sit down at the computer and start venting writing again. I felt like I had an "ah-ha" moment. Why did I ever stop this? I need this outlet or I start to develop ulcers from having to deal with the shit.

Around here I have two people I call the shit makers. My mother and sister in laws. We spent thousands of dollars moving the MIL (and the SIL because they were a package deal) from one coast to the other, due to the MIL's failing health.  And in the year that they have been here - the health issues have continued to stack up, so I know we made the right decision - sacrificing a lot so our children will be able to have time with and memories of their grandmother.

BUT...
(you knew that was coming didn't you! There always has to be a but in there)

OMFG - I am so sick and tired of being taken advantage of.  I feel like these two see us as their own personal source of income. The SIL has not worked in nearly two months. The MIL is on social security. Plus, we have certain bills of theirs that we take care of. (I saw WE, even though my husband is the main bread winner in the house - He works for all the bills, I work very little part time from home for fun money. We are still a united financial front) Besides, the money that we pay out for them every month, every time something new comes up for them the MIL seems to expect my husband to just open up his wallet. When he says "no" she is flabbergasted and does the "woe is me and my health, and I expected more from you - why do you not support me emotionally" bullshit.

I put up with a lot of shit - a LOT OF SHIT (just in case you missed that part) from these two - because I firmly believe that Spock was right when he said "The needs of the many, out weigh the needs of the few". I frequently squash down the resentment, the irritation, and the urge to strangle by reminding myself that all this is for my children - and  for them to have a connection to their family.

So, you, my dear readers will be my outlet in the coming months to avoid saying the shit I really want to say to them.  Lucky you!

It's been a while, hasn't it? The following post seems a bit more freaky (maybe it's just me) if you were to read this post about my previous limbo state.  Wow, a lot has changed since I last posted here. I've just finished reading some of my older posts and realized that things are dramatically different around here now. You see, shortly after that post my son decided he wanted nothing more to do with us, thanks to the girlfriend from hell, he moved in with my father and stepmother who proceeded to cut him off from us in every way possible. We haven't spoken to him since May 20, 2011. Over a year and we've missed his birthday and holidays that we'll never get back. Shortly after his departure my MIL died, my former best friend married and I've never spoken to either again.

That is the short story. The long story has been roughly a year of trying to get over having my child break my heart and trying to somehow pull my marriage back together. Life has revolved around the husband and the girls, now ages 17 and 8. Since my son's departure my husband and I focus mainly on the girls and improving their existence since both had taken a back seat to the melodrama of my son and his girlfriend. We attended concerts, had holidays, went to ball games and reconnected with my husband's family and some of my family who had been M.I.A. for quite a while. My mother is still vicious, manipulative, and thankfully absent from our  lives and now my sister, father, and stepmother have followed her exit as well.

My life was smoothing out.

A few months ago I hooked up with my cousin that I haven't spoken to in roughly 20 years. No falling out, no ill will, he just got the hell out of dodge with his wife and child and made a life for them far away from here. He lives in Portland, OR. I've lived in California most of my life, well, except for those 2 years I spent in Colorado. I don't dig California nearly as much as I used to and God knows with my family as crazy as they are I've wanted to create my own Witness Relocation Program more times than I can count.

Guess what happens when you put those kinds of thoughts out there? Life has a funny way of bringing you things... Now I have to decide how good those things may or may not be. My cousin retired doing the same work my husband does now, which is strange because it's not a common kind of job. On the phone last week he tells me he can get my husband a job in Portland "easy." All I have to do is get him a resume and he'll "float it around" up there and see what comes up.

 Me:

Followed by:

I'm so sick of people being two faced pricks. I'm sick of being pushed aside because something new is in your face, but you'll get back to me when it's gone. But not back to me fully, no, you mince and shuffle about while I sit here confused and wondering what the fuck is going on because you're too goddamn chickenshit to tell me straight. I have to find out, on bleeding FACEBOOK of all places, just what was going on, and when I let you have it for being a douchepickle, you hem and haw and disappear again.

I'm not about to be the good daughter and stay in bum-fucked-NOWHERE simply because YOU have decreed that it's immature of me to move across the country for schooling. If I was eighteen and fresh out of high school, such a move would be considered an adventure. Provided I was moving to a school of your choosing and being around people handpicked by you to ensure I had no life outside of what you deem acceptable. Since I am not mean enough to tell you that I am moving because I hate it here and I miss my family, I'm just going to let you think you're King of the Mountain while the rest of the royal party runs as fast as we can in the opposite direction.

I'm about ready to send a mail bomb to my idiot exhusband. I saw an email from him sitting in my inbox a few days ago, and I stupidly opened it. I expected it to be something about taxes, bank accounts that *I* had to close (via fucking telephone and smoke signals) because he was too bleeding lazy to go to the bank office in the town he lives in. (For the record, there is no bank office here for me! None! Whatsoever!) Nope, it was a long, rambling, disjointed account of how happy he is since I left him and he's found a new love. She's wonderful, and perfect, and so much better than me. She understands him in ways I never could. She loves him, whereas I was merely pretending for the almost ten years I was married to him. She is funny where I never was. She is beautiful and smart and his mother adores her.

She's the same girl he dated in high school fourteen years ago, she still lives at home with her mother, and her best (and only) friends are Ben and Jerry.

If you have to waste that many pixels telling me how great someone is... I'm going to know you're lying. I was married to that skin sack (skin sacks are worse than blood bags- blood bags are useful, skin sacks are not) for almost a decade, he lies worse than a cheap toupee. I read his email through once. And read it again. Then I laughed so hard that I spewed a hot beverage out my nose and had to spend the rest of the day carefully cleaning up my computer.

Okay, so there are all sorts of best of this and best of that and some are very specific (Best Songs of 2010) and... well most are just specific I guess. My list is specifically general in that it's my personal thoughts, selfishly or otherwise. Just my own personal bests of 2010 ditto on the worst.

Best of 2010

- Terriers on FX
- Weekend in Vegas with Celeste and Winnie
- Business rebounding over the summer
- Losing 12 pounds including 3 over the holidays
- My dad always being there, I don't know what I'd do without him


Worst of 2010

- FX canceling Terriers
- Losing my cat.
- Dental fiasco of November 2010
- My mother working for her boyfriend who is my husband's boss
- Finances


Now, my hopes for 2011 are that I can escape for a weekend away with my husband at least once. That our family plans (extended family - my dad, stepmom, sister, etc.) to go to the Rose Parade in Pasadena for 2012 (yeah, that's a year away but the planning will have to go down in 2011) work out. That we can manage to get some decent dental insurance and that our business will continue to grow after nearly dying last year. I also hope that we can carve out a few weekends of family camping trips and just manage to work in more fun and less stress.