Viva la change! Or some shit.
I'm getting ready for a second big move in less than a year. I came out to BFE in hopes of finding myself. And I kind of did. I realized I'm a city girl to the bone, and while nature is awesome, I like my pizza delivered and my transpo of the public variety.
I am going to start nursing school. Well, I plan on it anyway.
And I'm probably going to be looking to make another move in the next few years after getting my LPN.
You see, I'm running home to Mama. And nursing school. Mainly Mama and family and friends who don't give a flying fuck about my parentage and that I'm weird and have a brain that has weird bursts of genius. They love me, get my jokes, and know that when I pet them, it's because I'm stresesd the fuck out.
But Mama isn't going to be staying when I get there (yes she is, but not after the new year, she's looking for her own pot at the end of the rainbow), which is fine. That woman has done more than enough for me over the years, I'm not going to hold her in place if she wants to go somewhere else that will make her happy.
That being said, I'm going to be hunting up a roommate of either gender to help with the bills, because I know I can't float a house on my own. Which fucking sucks when I'm a goddamn grown up and can't afford a house payment and bills.
After I get my LPN, I will need to find a new school to get my RN, because the college I'm going to does not have an RN program.
That brings me to the other change that might come to pass.
California. The land of silicone, earthquakes, hard bodies, and L.A. weirdos. I figure, I've managed to make it through the worst Montana can throw at me, why not try my hand at the land that is rumored to be the next great island resort. Maybe I'll get lucky and a hottie in LA will decide I'm the woman he can't live without and he'll keep in a lifestyle to which I could quickly become accustomed. (Let me have this bubble, I have so few)

That being said...


... I'm terrified of this shit. Fucking. Terrified.
I want to crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head, plug my ear buds into my head, and just zone the fuck out. If I could, I'd bliss out on bud and good beer and figure out the secret of space travel. This the same fear kept me married to an emotionally stunted, cold, mean man who would just as soon slap me down as hold my back. And I'd rather be cold and dead than let another person hold my strings that way.

My favorite penis word is “weenie”.

I know that this is not thrilling at all to the husband.

I like to wait until the lights are off and the room is quiet and say “Lemmeseeyourweenie!” all in one rush while barely moving my mouth and shifting my eyes sneakily from side to side. Sometimes I follow this up by honking his weenie. It’s a wonder that I ever get laid at all.

On the other end of the spectrum is “cock”. I have learned to only use that word when I’m okay with the sex act being finished because when he hears me say that he loses it. Heh.

Oh, the power of words!

Totally unrelated - I also love weenie tricks. I have a photo of one wearing a tiny sombrero.

So the other day Surreal said something like, "It's required that you have a cock to understand some jokes." and I admit, I had been drinking a bit and something occurred to me...

Personally, I think it might be required that you have a "dick" to understand (or better yet, be amused) by some jokes.

Why?

Now, this is just my opinion and clearly it's all subjective, personal and all that stuff - but for me, the word "cock" is either positive or negative.

Positive: umm... yeah. like that

Negative: You're a "cocksucker" (as in the insult)

In other words, it's either directly related to (usually really awesome) sex or it's a flat out insult.

Like the "c" word... only in that respect it's strictly an insult and always negative. In fact, if it were used in a sexual situation it would turn me off instantly.

Now... dick... it's almost generic to me. In fact, I'm often found muttering, "frick a dick!" under my breath when I'm irritated. I've also been known (more frequently than not) to call my husband a "dick" or to say something was a "dick move." It's not a turn-on but it's not a turn-off in the bedroom.

Penis - strictly for sex ed. talks with the kids.

Wiener... I honestly rarely ever use it.

In Summation:

Certain humor requires a dick just for it's sheer level of stupidity or testosterone (oops, being redundant, my bad)... and there are few things sexier than a rock hard cock.

I don't think I have ever used so many references to a penis in a blog post - ever!