I had plans to redo my family room, nothing extravagant on a microscopic budget. I was really excited about it. Was...

Then came "The Great Possible Job Lead in Oregon."

Now I feel like I am in this push/pull, stop/start mode. I don't know what will happen so I don't know if I should continue making my home here or start to detach and pull away from it. Over the weekend I think I basically decided to continue on as if nothing has happened because, the truth is, nothing has happened. Somebody said they had a job lead, someone asked for a resume... that's nothing that hasn't happened more than a few times over the last year with local companies anyway.

We haven't even given anyone a resume yet... I think it's coming probably, but it hasn't happened yet. And, who knows what may or may not happen after that. So, it seems ridiculous to just freeze up and not do anything at all.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my husband's coworker/boss (because she can't ever decided which she is and being the owner's daughter does come with implied clout regardless) is planning on leaving for two weeks in September for a big, family Hawaiian vacation - along with anyone else in the company she is related to (her father and son) which leaves quite a big hole to cover for practically just my husband. This, of course, spins me back around to "fuck all this shit let's get the hell out of here" mode, especially when she calls him today to tell him she is taking two sick days for a surgery she is having.

Did I mention she has better insurance than we do? We weren't even offered the plan she is on - so whatever she needs, she gets, whatever we need is held up and procrastinated over by the HMO we are attached to - like the hip replacement surgery they say my husband is too young to have, but if we were on her insurance it would have already been done by now.

All this makes me want him to find another job almost anywhere because I just can't stand it anymore. The desire to up and disappear then brings me back around to wondering why am I going to the trouble of making new valances for my family room?

It's the never ending cycle... and I'm not sure how to break it.

It's been a while, hasn't it? The following post seems a bit more freaky (maybe it's just me) if you were to read this post about my previous limbo state.  Wow, a lot has changed since I last posted here. I've just finished reading some of my older posts and realized that things are dramatically different around here now. You see, shortly after that post my son decided he wanted nothing more to do with us, thanks to the girlfriend from hell, he moved in with my father and stepmother who proceeded to cut him off from us in every way possible. We haven't spoken to him since May 20, 2011. Over a year and we've missed his birthday and holidays that we'll never get back. Shortly after his departure my MIL died, my former best friend married and I've never spoken to either again.

That is the short story. The long story has been roughly a year of trying to get over having my child break my heart and trying to somehow pull my marriage back together. Life has revolved around the husband and the girls, now ages 17 and 8. Since my son's departure my husband and I focus mainly on the girls and improving their existence since both had taken a back seat to the melodrama of my son and his girlfriend. We attended concerts, had holidays, went to ball games and reconnected with my husband's family and some of my family who had been M.I.A. for quite a while. My mother is still vicious, manipulative, and thankfully absent from our  lives and now my sister, father, and stepmother have followed her exit as well.

My life was smoothing out.

A few months ago I hooked up with my cousin that I haven't spoken to in roughly 20 years. No falling out, no ill will, he just got the hell out of dodge with his wife and child and made a life for them far away from here. He lives in Portland, OR. I've lived in California most of my life, well, except for those 2 years I spent in Colorado. I don't dig California nearly as much as I used to and God knows with my family as crazy as they are I've wanted to create my own Witness Relocation Program more times than I can count.

Guess what happens when you put those kinds of thoughts out there? Life has a funny way of bringing you things... Now I have to decide how good those things may or may not be. My cousin retired doing the same work my husband does now, which is strange because it's not a common kind of job. On the phone last week he tells me he can get my husband a job in Portland "easy." All I have to do is get him a resume and he'll "float it around" up there and see what comes up.

 Me:

Followed by:

Husband had surgery 3 weeks ago and has been home ever since. He's not scheduled to go back to work for 2 more weeks. On one hand, I'm glad he's listening to his doctor and not going to work too early but on the other? I'm losing my mind with not having any alone time.

I can't blog too much because he wants to know what I'm doing. If I'm reading, he wants to know what I'm reading. If I go to the bathroom, he taps on the door to tell me he has something interesting for me to see when I get out. I think he's bored out of his mind.
And the house is a mess. I get it if he feels too crappy to move around but he can still tell the teenagers that live here to clean. I'm going to have to make another "bitch list" this weekend for the boys to read every day so they are reminded to clean up.




The hubs and I are going through a "dry spell" he's been working long hours out of town. He leaves well before dawn and is home really late. Lots of overtime, except he's on salary for a tiny, shit-ass company which means they can squeeze all the overtime they want out of him and not really compensate him in any way. And, because it's a smaller company they fit through a loophole that allows it.
That on top of a huge pay cut last year, reduced health benefits and having to work around jackasses constantly - is why he's now looking for another job.