You ever want to rub someone's face off on the sidewalk for no reason other than they did something in the past? Brandon is best friends with a woman he used to date. They dated two years ago, it ended badly, and save for one occasion over a year ago, they haven't had physical contact like that since.
I'm totally okay with them being friends. I even like her and am friends with her, because she's my kind of people. I just keep the knowledge they used to do the naked tango together in a separate part of my brain and I can deal with that.
But when it's brought up in conversation they used to get naked and how often they'd get naked, either by someone else or when Brandon is retelling a story, I want to bash her face in until brain matter is painting the room.
Brandon does not understand how I am perfectly okay with them being friends and I still have moments where I want to shove a railroad spike through her eye. I've tried explaining it has nothing to do with her, or him, or anything other than he's mine and by God, I don't share.
Then Man I Used to Fuck came up. I don't have another name for him, so we'll go with MIUtF for short. He's in the military and is going to be back in our hometown over Christmas. MIUtF and I will probably hang out, as that is what friends do. And while he is firmly in the "used to fuck" category and not going to ever again be in the "plan to fuck" schedule, Brandon has an issue with it. Which I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. But come on, do you really think I'm going to wreck a good thing for someone who had a chance with me and GAVE IT UP, only to realize later THAT I'M GODDAMN FUCKING AMAZING? He actually called to tell me that he'd made a mistake in picking women, and that comments and posts on FB that he knows are aimed at Brandon make him jealous. Not my goddamn problem fucker, you cocked up and now you can live with it.
But the fight ensued after that, and it ended when I basically said everything his ex's (who have cheated on him) said... which made me feel bad.
How is it that I feel bad after a fight that wasn't an actual fight? There was no yelling, no screaming, no throwing of anything, no slamming doors...

Holy fuckballs, it's been a long time. I don't even remember what the fuck I bitched about on here last... was I still in the Wild Wild West, minus Will Smith? Was I already back East and bitching?

I'm noticing a bitch trend...

Mention of trend, I've come to realize one of my classmates (oh yes, at the ripe old age of almost 30, I am once again a student) is either on meth, or fucking narcoleptic. The bitch has fallen asleep in class, WHILE STANDING UP. I've only seen horses, and cows do that. She's neither equine or bovine, believe me, I've given her a very careful assessment from afar.

And the kicker? Bitch is PASSING WITH FLYING COLORS.

I began the actual hands on portion of my continuing education today, and while it was fun, there is also a slight problem.
No smoke breaks. At all. From seven a.m. until half past noon, no smoking.
I'm going to kill someone.

She Who Birthed Me had a few weeks where she seemed to be the unwanted offspring of Chernobyl and 3 Mile Island all rolled into one cranky little package. Told me I was not being smart, I was making stupid mistakes, I didn't need to be dating an awesome guy, and I should be doing nothing at all but going to school, working full time, and being lonely.
In other words: she was miserable and thought I should be to for her sake.

Oh! Yes! Dating! Oh, well, that is one thing I don't have to bitch about. See, after I got back East, it was like the male gender remembered I had a vagina. Yes, I was shocked too. Even more shocked when the guys who wanted to use aforementioned vagina took me out on actual dates. Like, where you have to sit down and eat with real silverware, not the plastic crap from Sonic.

I ran through... let's call it a 'few' guys once I got back in the dating pool, and while it was fun, I was not looking to get married or seriously date ever again. Did you know most men in this area are giant vaginas? And not the fun vagina either- they're like blue waffle vag that is slimy and gross and no one ever wants near it ever again.

Then I got hooked up with Brandon by a mutual long term friend of ours who proved just how well she knows us in the fact she demanded we start talking. And then sits smug when everything works out.
Now I'm halfway married, friends are picking out what features we need to pass onto future offspring, and how my middle and last initials would be the same. Oh, and when is a good time for a wedding. And suggestions on where.

I had plans to redo my family room, nothing extravagant on a microscopic budget. I was really excited about it. Was...

Then came "The Great Possible Job Lead in Oregon."

Now I feel like I am in this push/pull, stop/start mode. I don't know what will happen so I don't know if I should continue making my home here or start to detach and pull away from it. Over the weekend I think I basically decided to continue on as if nothing has happened because, the truth is, nothing has happened. Somebody said they had a job lead, someone asked for a resume... that's nothing that hasn't happened more than a few times over the last year with local companies anyway.

We haven't even given anyone a resume yet... I think it's coming probably, but it hasn't happened yet. And, who knows what may or may not happen after that. So, it seems ridiculous to just freeze up and not do anything at all.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my husband's coworker/boss (because she can't ever decided which she is and being the owner's daughter does come with implied clout regardless) is planning on leaving for two weeks in September for a big, family Hawaiian vacation - along with anyone else in the company she is related to (her father and son) which leaves quite a big hole to cover for practically just my husband. This, of course, spins me back around to "fuck all this shit let's get the hell out of here" mode, especially when she calls him today to tell him she is taking two sick days for a surgery she is having.

Did I mention she has better insurance than we do? We weren't even offered the plan she is on - so whatever she needs, she gets, whatever we need is held up and procrastinated over by the HMO we are attached to - like the hip replacement surgery they say my husband is too young to have, but if we were on her insurance it would have already been done by now.

All this makes me want him to find another job almost anywhere because I just can't stand it anymore. The desire to up and disappear then brings me back around to wondering why am I going to the trouble of making new valances for my family room?

It's the never ending cycle... and I'm not sure how to break it.