Happy Birthday, Winnie!!!! I have to tell anyone who is reading this that Winnie is one of the most genuine, sweet, funny, and catty women you will ever meet. Unlike a lot of friendships that originate online I've actually been able to meet Winnie in person and she is every bit as wonderful and funny as she is online. She is also perpetually positive. If there is a silver lining to be found, Winnie can pluck it out better than anyone I have ever known. I've seen her take twice as long to convey positive things as it does for her to relay something negative. She has a natural knack for popping off the negative and leaping right back to the positive. Certainly it's not an attribute that I have but I admire her greatly for it and I respect her all the more for it as well. So again, Happy Birthday, Winnie. I'm proud to call you my friend and I think the world would be a far dimmer place if you weren't in it.

This week Winnie is interviewing the bitches and right out of the gate she's both stumped and surprised me.

1. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Jesus, and just imagine I was talking about how positive you are! I'm uncomfortable to the point of being downright superstitious discussing death. I don't like to think about it and I darn sure don't want to plan for it. While my first inclination is to be snarky and say, "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen, I'd also like to give maybe a moment of thought. I was raised in church, I've sang the hymns, I know there are funeral "appropriate" songs... I just don't know that any of them fit me. At all. I think maybe as odd as it sounds, "The Way You Look Tonight" by Steve Tyrell or Frank Sinatra, although, I think Steve's version conveys a sweeter sentiment to the song. It was the song my husband and I danced to at our wedding, it was played off and on while I was in labor with our third child, and I love the lyrics through and through.

"Someday When I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight"

2. I'm giving you a credit card with no limit. You can purchase anything you want, no matter what the cost. What do you buy?

Honestly? I'd buy a new house and I'd let my current house go.

3. If you could record a conversation any person, living or dead, who would it be? Why?
I actually have a CD of a conversation with my grandmother, grandfather, and great-aunt, great-uncle, etc. and every voice on the CD belongs to someone who is deceased. I've never listened to it. I'm honestly petrified of how I'll feel if I do.

I wish I could record a conversation with my father-in-law. I wish I had thought to back then when he had my daughter on his lap telling her stories.

4. Show me your favorite piece of artwork. Who is it by? Why do you like it?
This is Jungle Cat. It's an original folk art piece by an artist/blogger friend. Her name is tj (she always does it with a lower case) and she used to blog at zazzafooky.com I own several of her pieces but this one she painted just for me. I think if my house caught fire I would probably run through and snag as many of her paintings as I possibly could.

5. What makes you cry?
Seriously? What happened to always positive Winnie? WTF?!? Are you trying to go all Barbara Walters and make me cry today? Auuughh!!!

Okay... almost any thought of my cat that died last November makes me cry. The movie "The Family Stone" chokes me up. Also the end of "White Christmas" and "Scrooged." Beyond that it's a mixed grab bag of the time of day, who I'm dealing with and where my hormone levels are. Although - I have never cried at a wedding. Not even mine. ;)

6. Do you like to shop?

Oh God, yes! (wow, did that sound a bit like an orgasm? Sorry.) But, honestly, I love to shop for furniture, drapes, home accessories. I know exactly what my house would look like if I had a better budget. ;)

7. Do you believe in an afterlife?
Absolutely. Although this questions reminds me of one of Patrick Swayze's line in "Next of Kin" - "Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm hereafter." Bwahahaha.

8. Tell me about a time in your life when you were happy.

We're fresh off the holidays and honestly, the first thing that sprang to my mind was this one Christmas. My husband and I were up until 2 or 3 cooking and doing all the stockings, presents, etc. Finally we were all done and we curled up on the couch together with a glass of wine and just looked at the Christmas tree with the twinkling lights, the bulging stockings and reveled in how quiet the house was. It was so sweet and pure. Twenty minutes later we crawled into bed and got about 3 hours of sleep before our kids woke us up! ;)

Best Christmas gift ever....

I’m going to have to say it’s a tie between a signed book (Gunpowder by Joe Hill) and a marshmallow gun. Husband knows of my whorish book obsession and saw me putting things into my pretend online cart a couple of years ago (I like to load up my cart and feel excited about buying frivolous things and then turn the computer off without buying anything.) and asked why I looked all hot and sweaty at the computer.

I showed him the book that I wanted, not even thinking he’d get it for me, but he did! Husband doesn’t read books and he thinks it’s crazy to spend lots of money on something that will only be useful to burn for warmth during The Apocalypse.

The main reason I was so surprised was you could only buy it online and Husband is not a fan of the computer. He thinks the computer’s main purpose is to watch porn and check his bank account. I know it must have been an almighty trial for him to create an account with the bookstore and place an order.

That same year he got a marshmallow gun for me. I’d been wanting one for years. It’s one of those things that never gets old. Even when I’m out of marshmallows, it’s fun to jump around a corner or pop up from behind the sofa while pointing it at someone.

This was also a year that my Mom was able to visit me the week of Christmas so everything seemed super great.

The best Christmas ever... that's a tough call. Not counting the ones when I was a small child, as those are always the best one ever, I'm not sure one qualifies as "the best".

I have moments from every Christmas that are wonderful. I know that sounds sappy, but it's true.

When my brother was small, he liked to jump. No idea why, he just jumped when he was happy, or hyper, or really excited for something. He got a toy for Christmas that came in the plastic packaging that requires a blow torch and a college degree to open, and he (at three/four thought his older sister could do anything) handed it to me with "Here Sissy, you do it."

I can still remember the feeling of his hot little hands on my kneecaps as he jumped up and down in front of me while I wrestled with that stupid damn package. Eventually I got it open, he screamed "Thank you Sissy! I love you!" and spent the rest of the day playing with it.

When I was eighteen, I got a cell phone for Christmas. I'm sure you can figure out why a teenager was thrilled to get her first cell.

At twenty-two, I got woken up early by the jumping little brother (who was no longer so little and no longer jumped when excited) and spent the day in my pajamas with my mother watching the holiday parade and fielding phone calls from family.

Last Christmas was both wonderful and awful. It was wonderful because it was a day of family, both blood and adopted, and awful because my then husband called and made me feel bad.

I went with my mother, my best friend, and my not-bio dad to see Sherlock Holmes when it opened. We gorged on popcorn, then went out to the bar. I thought it was strange, going to a bar on Christmas night, but I spent the time with friends who mean the world to me.

This Christmas isn't ever going to be "the best", but it's better than others. I'm poorer than ever, but I'm free to celebrate my way. I can decorate a tree however I want, I can cook whatever I want, and I sing whatever Christmas Carols I want, because the only one who is around to hear is the dog, and she thinks I'm perfect either way.