Oh holy fucking shit, I did not realize that stupidity and stereotypes followed me to Bum-fuck-Nowhere in the Badlands of the sprawling Northwest.

I've learned the following, all from a skinny "Perfect Princess" twat who wouldn't know what manners, morals, or a soul would be if it reared up and bit her in her flat ass:

Fat people are lazy.

Fat people sneak food into public bathrooms, all for the sake of eating... in the bathroom.

Fat people are fat to be fat. There are no underlying reasons (depression, anxiety, etc) for the extra weight, there is nothing wrong with them, they're just fat and they like to be fat.

Also, cutters? They cut because they're stupid. They're just stupid people who don't have anything else to do, so they cut. Depression, ment

al disorders, PTSD, none of that could lead to cutting. Nope, cutters are just stupid people.

I wanted to rip her spine out through her nose and beat her over the head with it.

I've imagined ripping her spleen out through her mouth just to make myself feel better.

I don’t mind fetching and getting the kids. I DO mind being told that one is staying late after school for extracurricular activities and then getting the stinkeye because I didn’t answer my phone when Husband called to ask me to get the kid at the last minute. I knew I was in trouble when I got up from my nap and saw 18 missed calls...normally, I NEVER turn my phone ringer off on my day off but did because I was so sure that nobody was going to call me. So Husband drove home to get the kid. Took him 20 minutes to get to the school. We are 2 miles from the school. The kid could have walked home in that

time and I pointed that out to Husband when he gave me a look when he came through the door. Work your legs, kid! You think you want to drive? That shit isn’t happening on my watch until you walk home from school a few times.

I live with a bunch of princesses.

Moving on.

I have no idea what is up with the people who live in this town, but there seems to be a rampaging case of contagious PMS and everyone keeps infecting everyone else. Five minutes after work starts, every single one of us is ready to go home and not because we're sick of work. It's because we're on the edge of knifing every damn person who comes in the door.

If you're cranky, upset, hormonal, or overly emotional, I don't give a flying fuck, keep it to yourself and stop raining on my parade.
Also, getting dumped for a younger woman? Fucking blows. When said younger woman isn't even legal to drink and still lives at home with her Mommy and Daddy? Even worse. I would like to say I blame the woman (girl, really, since she's not yet nineteen years old) but she truly had no idea. Like any good whore, I know how to keep my mouth shut about men I roll around in the sheets with, and this new one was no different.

What pisses me off the most is that less than thirty-six hours prior to me finding out he was now 'dating' said girl, he was fucking my brains out. THAT is my problem.

Dear Stupid Exwife,

Just because the school sends out an automated call saying that a student made a threat on FaceFuckingBook about the school but it’s been handled - doesn’t give you the right to call Husband screeching about how you don’t want your children going to school here. The school is fine. It was one fucked up kid who said something incredibly stupid online. I’m sure he’s being tortured by his parents in a basement somewhere now.

The boys? Will NEVER go to school where you live because you signed all that shit away when you were being greedy while divorcing. It seems that you’ve forgotten that.

FOAD.

I had two wonderful days off this week, and I just got back to work today. I really don't have a bitch at this moment in time, because I found out that the Cell Gods do indeed smile upon the deserving, because drunken texts were not delivered to the wrong person.

I found out my asshole exhusband finally got some come-uppens when military housing booted his fat ass out of military housing. He was living in our old apartment with some fat woman, housing figured it all out (never mind I had TOLD them I'd moved out months ago) and kicked him out. Poor little fucktard had to move out and do God knows what with all his crap. AND he's got to pay back almost eight and a half thousand dollars. He doesn't make a thousand dollars a month, and the military doesn't fuck around with that shit. If you owe them money, they will yank it all out of your checks and leave you royally fucked.

I kept breaking out into giggles all fucking day because of that shit.

You know what ruins a good shower? Husband opening the damned door just as I’m rinsing my hair to get out and bitching about how long I’ve been in there. I’m an adult! I’m not wasting time when I’m in there. I’m not picking my nose or whacking off. I’m washing something every moment.He times me. 20 minutes is my average (and that’s if I don’t do any leg or ladybit grooming) and he congratulated me on making it out in 13 the other night. I was actually winded after rushing through in 13 minutes and I don’t think all of the conditioner was washed from my hair.

I swear, the next time he cracks the door open to ask me if I know how long I’ve been in there (Of course I don’t! I’m in the shower! I’m not looking at a clock! When was the last time you saw a clock in our shower?!) I might just come out all soapy and crawl into bed beside him.




I'd probably stab my husband with a knitting needle if he clocked my shower time. The more upset or irritated I am the longer I stay in the shower and the safer the rest of my family is by the time I get out - and they know it!It's been a shit-tastic week and I'm seriously hoping this weekend will make up for it - not that we have anything other than a family movie night planned on Saturday. Still, I've had it with shitty comments people make, I've had it with people being dishonest and/or manipulative. I could go into detail but I'd quickly take up way too much space. Right now I'm sick of about 99% of the people on this planet and my husband, one child and about 4 friends are the only people I can truly say I like.

I'm so sick of people, in general. There are creeper people, and smelly people, and dirty people, and pervy people. I'm so damn done with them.

From the guy who looks to be jaundiced all over, I really like hiding behind another coworker when he comes into my place of employment. Because hiding is easier than telling him to go the hell away, and hiding won't cost me my job.

The drug addicts who come in and make my life miserable? Do me a favor, and OD. Put me out of the anguish of having to be in your company, and take your burden off the actual tax payers who have the ability to hold on to honest work.

Yes, I know addiction is a disease. I know it's ugly and painful and horrible, but a disease can be cured. You have to have a reason to be cured from such a disease, yes, but the addicts I see day in and day out have kids. Children are worth getting cured, aren't they?

I wonder what my fellow bitches and everyone else thinks about teen girls and dating age? My 12 year old suddenly became interested in BOYS (said with as much scorn and loathing as a mother of 3 boys and only 1 girl can muster) last summer. Over the month of December she started "dating" one of those vile BOYS who are only after one thing. (How do I know that he's only after one thing? ALL 14 year old boys only have one thing on their mind. For that matter all 37 year old boys have that same thing on their mind) I did my best to minimize contact with said BOY. They met at a birthday party for a friend of my daughter and BOY lives 40 minutes away from here, so it wasn't to hard to keep face to face contact from happening. But they spent a lot of time talking over Facebook and cell phone. Last night the BOY broke up with my daughter, causing much tears, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Not to mention the phone calls from school because she was just to "sick" to stay there. And yes, by "sick" I mean emotional. I don't think that 12 year olds should be dating, but I also know that in this day and age of all things electronic it is next to impossible to keep them "little" for long. Is it wrong for me to despise all BOYS but the 3 I pushed out?

I'm a mother of 2 daughters, ages 15 (16, God help me, in April) and 7 (going on roughly 35 year old sea worn sailor, God help me again) - boys... gah. For starters, I happen to love boys. My son has an amazing group of friends that are all sort of second sons to my husband and I. They also are an amazingly, protective batch of young men who have more than intimidated any boy who even slightly looked at my 15 year old. It puts me in a lovely position because I get to play the good cop to their bad cops and I only offer my "Godmother" (like the Godfather only more violent) protection if I like the boy. ;) Which, thankfully, I happen to love my daughter's current boyfriend of almost a year. He's a quiet boy from a nice family, gets good grades and isn't an octopus when he thinks we aren't looking. I can't say the same for her first boyfriend. Which wasn't really her first boyfriend...

My daughter sort of got interested in boys in junior high. She had an age appropriate boyfriend and an age appropriate relationship. Let me explain what that means - my daughter didn't "Date" in the traditional sense. She had a boyfriend at school that she chatted with on the phone and hung out with at lunch. End of story and I think that's "age appropriate" one on one dates would not have been acceptable but I had no problem with a large group of kids going to the movies which only happened a few times.

The second boyfriend, my daughter was freshman in high school and he was a senior (the horror stories I could tell here, but I won't). My husband and I gritted our teeth through the entire relationship and happily celebrated (and none too quietly) as soon as it was over. The next boyfriend she attended winter formal with and I didn't like him because he was arrogant and a too full of himself, but he was polite. NONE of the boys (my son's friends) liked him or the previous boyfriend at all. I think it sort of expedited the exodus of both boys because my daughter got tired of scolding 18 - 20 year olds for intimidating her boyfriends. At any rate, she got bored quickly and dumped him moving on to another boy who actually ended up being her best friend and they broke it off and have remained even closer than when they were together. In fact, he sort of set her up with the current boyfriend. The two of them together really come off more like best friends than boyfriend/girlfriend and for that I'm very happy.

All of that being said - I think it's a sliding scale on relationships and children and socializing and all of that jazz. I don't think you get comfortable with your kids having any kind of relationship that propels them any closer to "adult" situations, honestly. Although, Winnie - your boys - do you feel the same way as you do with your daughter? (bolding because I hope you respond in the comments, I'm very interested!) Honestly? I have issues with my son's girlfriend but they aren't for the same reason as the issues I had with my daughter. In fact, I was going to bitch about gf today but I'll save that for another time. Regardless - as wrong as this may sound I've always taught my son to treat women a certain way (and I've preached safe sex in age appropriate conversations since he was 5) and after that I really felt that I had my own daughters to worry about and as long as I like the girl he's with - I really don't care.

And, ladies, I apologize for the length of my bitch, I did try to shorten it but sort of felt Winnie opened up a great discussion and I wanted to sort of lay my cards out so we could hopefully continue the conversation. Sorry!

I can honestly say, I'm too damn tired to bitch LOL. This week was a series of sleep deprivation, work, EMT class, and stupid people proving that there is always room for more stupid.

I feel like a sloth, I missed my work out three days this week, and it really gets driven home when I am rushing around trying to get things done just how out of shape I am. I missed it because I was really too tired to get up three hours before dawn to sweat and pant and gasp for air.

Gasping for air is not sexy when you're also sweating like a whore in church. (Mentioning whores, I'd like to have a body like Gianna Michaels when all is said and done.)

I’m sick and bitchy and I don’t know how much sense all of this will make. I’m going to have a little blog vomit.

I’m ready to slap 2010 on its ass and send it running. In many ways, this has been a great year but in my mind? It seems like I’ve spent more time trying to feel “right” than anything.
As a step towards feeling better, I got all of my prescriptions filled today and plan on being sure to take those things every day. Even though they make me pee like a cow on a flat rock and wreck my “on the phone time” at work. I shouldn’t not take medication because I’m afraid of having to get up from my desk to piss.

I stayed home from work today with a cold (or something. The Plague?) and a backache with the hopes that I won’t lose my voice tomorrow. I was worried if I went in today that my voice would go and I wouldn’t be able to work tomorrow. It’s never a good idea to be sick and call out of work on New Year’s Eve.
Let me ask you all something...Do you think that men and women can just be friends? I say yes and Husband says no. This is why I haven’t mentioned to him yet that I’m having lunch with a male coworker on Sunday. I’m working a few hours of overtime that day and realized that I’d be getting off the same time that coworker goes to lunch. This is also coworker’s last day. The fine company that I work for is firing him over stupid shit but were kind enough to keep him til Sunday. We’ve worked together for years and I asked him to lunch as a “last hurrah”. I’m fairly certain that Husband is going to be extremely pissy about it so I’m waiting til the last minute to tell him. It’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

Watching porn, looking up weird shit on the internet....all of these things I do with no worry but since this blog has started I’ve been cleaning my history trail on a daily basis.





















I'm currently going through a bizarre phase where I don't feel like drinking and then when I do it feels gross so I really wish I hadn't. I've had a glass of red wine tonight and I'm stopping right there. Then tomorrow is, of course, one of the biggest party nights of the year and I'm going to go over to my dad's and I'm making chowder and my husband is grilling shrimp for my dad's annual New Year's party. I really don't want to go but, truthfully, my horoscope keeps saying shit like, "you'd really like to stay in but you'll feel better if you accept the social invitations around you and get out and have some fun." What's a girl going to do? Go and shoot tequila with her father, of course. But, for the first time I'm really seriously looking hard at ways to prevent a hangover because I think it would make me lose my mind and I'm only half-joking... mostly. So if anyone has any sure-fire tricks send them along - post them in the comments. Something. Please. Help a sister out.

I'm ready for the year to be over with, I'm ready to move on and hopefully into something better. I'm tired of sitting around feeling like the next tragedy is going to drop into my lap any fucking second.

And, while I'm bitching... can I just say that I'm seriously worried about my son and his girlfriend? I just don't think she's good for him. She enables his negativity, she encourages him to be on one self-pity trip after another and truthfully? I think she's like a little kid who rescues a baby bird and then doesn't want the bird to fly off. Do you know what I mean? I think that's how she views him, they got together about a month after he was diagnosed with cancer - she has babied him and bucked us every step of the way. While she babied him, I encouraged him to get back on the horse, to toughen up a bit and move forward because he was cancer-free and on the road to recovery. She on the other hand went into a depression and got him all upset every time his 6 months check ups rolled around. And, everyone can clearly see he's trying to come out of it and she's just clawing, digging and hanging on to every little bit of melodrama that she can. I'm tired of it and I have to wonder if he is as well. He looks happier and more at ease when she isn't around than when she is.

I'd like to bitch about the cruel hand of fate or the bitter bite of shit that is irony. Specifically, the fact that when cancer couldn't quite take my kid, it decided to take my cat. I'm sorry... I know, railing against cancer is so stylish it's almost out of style. While I should probably post some ribbon in some gastronomic distress causing hue... I've got nothing but a multi-colored cat hair on my nightgown and an extra eerie quiet in my house that will never again be obliterated by the same voice.

Excuse me, I need another martini.

People, I’m bitchless. I know some of you all have had totally a craptastic week and I can’t find anything to bitch about in light of that.
I drank a metric ton of coffee yesterday and I still can't think this morning. Or blink. And I have a killer headache. This feels kind of weird to not be pissed about something....maybe I should drink coffee in obscene amounts more often.

I’m sure I’ll be full of bitchy goodness soon.

I am now without bitch. I had the usual stupid people at work bitch, but that's "usual".

I just got a peek at my savings account this morning, the one where I stuff every single red cent that isn't marked for a bill (or shipping, as this is the holiday season), because I'm going to be moving across the country yet again before the infamous 2012 rolls around.

I have almost $600 in there. Which might not sound like much to you. But when my paychecks are less than $300/week, and my rent alone is a week and half's worth of work, I was fucking thrilled.

I might have had a small orgasm when I saw that number.

Every bitch I had right then died on my lips because that is a gift horse that I will not look in the mouth.

(And every thing I've got to bitch about is nothing compared to losing a beloved pet. This one belongs to Charlotte.)

Charlotte does indeed win this weeks Bitch. Nothing can top loosing a beloved pet. I had a bitch all lined up to, but my issue seems petty compared to the hurt of my friend.

So instead I am going to stand arm in arm with my fellow bitches and rail at the Fates who snipped the life thread of a sweet cat who did not deserve to go so soon.

Is it to much to ask that when mom is down and out for the rest of the family to step up and perform a little? Why must every little chore be so damn hard to get them to do? Just because I am a stay at home mom does not mean that I am the only one capable of doing any work around here! And offering to order pizza or telling the kids to pick up is not "helping". Trust me.

So, no, I am not going to brave the crowds and go Black Friday shopping, dear.