Charlotte - Fuck them and the horse they road in on. If they are choosing to buy into the hog swill that your swine of a mother has put out there instead of relying on you to be the person that they have always known and hung out with, then they are not worth your time or your thoughts. Your husband will quickly realize that, while it was cool to connect with them for a night or two, they are not really worth his time either.

My bitch is insurance companies. I recently had to find a new insurance company. I took two of the kids to the doctor this week, only to be told that my new insurance does not cover well child visits. After a great heaping helping of pissed off bitch on the phone, I found out that some idiot made a "clerical error" and gave me the wrong tier of insurance in their system. So now I have to wait another month before I can take my kids into the doctor. I'm covered in the mean time for any catastrophic event. But no well child visits. I believe they now refer to me as "that bitch from Florida"

I’m tired of how thin Husband is spreading himself. He has to work. He has to work some weird hours. Leaving early, coming home for awhile, going back to work and returning after I’ve gone to bed...I get that. What he doesn’t have to do is volunteer so much.

He’s eyeball deep in the athletics program at the oldest boy’s school and it’s eating any little bit of free time he has. Today he came home from work, went to the high school to see OB at baseball practice and got roped into working a table for the baseball team at tonight’s Open House for next year’s freshmen that youngest boy had to go to tonight. I took YB to Open House where we met Husband who was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. After that was done, Husband went back to work.

It’s getting on my damned nerves because he gets worked up about shit going on with the athletic program (And volunteers me for things! I’m supposed to be building a website for them. But they have so many restrictions on how they want it that I haven’t even started. I’m not wasting any of my time only to be told that it isn’t what they wanted.) when he doesn’t need to.

We don’t even have a kid playing any sports at the school yet!

I am so tired of people trying to rain on my parade. It's a two-float parade, so it's easy to miss, but I'll be damned if I let some snot-nosed little bitch try to rain me out of my fun!

I understand your life sucks, really I do. However, I'm trying to *stop* seeing my life as sucking, so forgive me if I don't give a flying shit about your latest "bad" day. I say "bad" because I don't see how having time to get breakfast from a restaurant (not to mention the extra money to get said breakfast) and enjoy yourself is a problem.

Also, if you've never had to fight to get off over fifty pounds, do not give me dieting advice. I do not care if Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, or any other system, worked to get those pesky fifteen pounds off. I am working to lose the equivalent of an average eleven year old girl. That's not something that will disappear after a month of "being good". I have to relearn how to eat, how to shop, how to *cook*, and those home delivery food systems? Don't teach you that.

I'm trying to be glass is half-full, but diet talk puts me on the fast track down hill, without so much as a 'collect $200 when you pass go'.

We packed up everything we owned (getting rid of nearly stick of furniture we owned), loaded up the kids and the dogs, and moved from the West to the East. That one act pretty much colored the way I view the entire year.

January: My husband moved to Florida, leaving behind the kids and I, while he got settled into his new job and found a home for us. I packed.

March: My sister had a baby. We had a HUGE going away party. I got to meet two of my favorite people, for the 1st time (waving at Charlotte and Celeste). I packed. We moved.

April: My 4th child turned 1. My second child turned 12. My husband turned thirty something. The kids went to a new school. I unpacked.

May: We celebrated Mother's day. My daughter was picked up for shoplifting with her new "friend". I blamed myself for moving her way from her home. I finished unpacking. We went to the beach.

June: My daughter got a get out of jail free card, and was offered a chance to participate with Student Court, which wiped out her record. I decorated the house. School got out. My Mother-In-Law came for a visit. I tried very hard to be polite and nice. We went to the beach

July: My 1st born turned 14. We went to the beach. Rather than watch fireworks, my husband and I had a fight.

August: We went to Palm Beach and saw my Step-Mother-in-Law. I didn't have to work at being nice, it was easy. The kids went back to school. My oldest son was nominated to be a student ambassador and go to England next summer. He was the only one out of 800+ students nominated.

September: We went to NASA. We went to Fort Lauderdale. My oldest was accepted to go on the England trip.

October: My brother, Sister-in-Law, and nieces came for a visit. Mother-in-law had a pacemaker put in convinced my husband that it was major and he needed to travel to the west coast and be there for her "Major Procedure". We spent my 1st Halloween in our new home with out him.

November: We had our 1st Thanksgiving in our new home. Since we had no family, we had some practically strangers come eat with us. I felt very blessed to get to share a meal with my son's girfriend's family, who were not going to even afford a turkey.

December: We celebrated our 1st Christmas in our new home, just our family. My husband and I celebrated our 19th anniversary. My parents for a visit and came rang in the new year with us.

And that is my year in a nut shell.

Ah, the great Monster-in-law, the woman who lives to make our lives miserable the minute we marry their precious little baby bastard... um, boy.

At first, I thought I'd won the lottery of in-laws, because my mother in law was a truly nice woman. She included me on shopping trips, to visit the rest of the family, and even for baking family favorite cookies and cakes.

When I had nothing but good things to say about her son, it was wonderful. She told her friends how much she loved having me in the family, how great it was to finally have her daughter.

The minute I told her (yes, *I* told her a santizied version of the problems in our marriage, because her precious baby boy couldn't man up about being a total douchebag) that the marriage was in trouble, she changed her tune.

I didn't realize how quick she'd turned around until my husband, her son, threatened to kill me over debit cards. Or was it the car? One of the two. Anyway, he threatens to kill me, I calmly lose my mind, and her response to the whole thing was...

wait for it...

"He's upset."

I started drinking soon after that.




The entire time my exhusband and I were dating and married, his aunt (he lived with his uncle and her from age 12 til he graduated high school) was a complete bitch to me. I never knew why she despised me but it was obvious. Our wedding photographer said he’d never seen a more somber group of people at a wedding.

Throughout our marriage we would always fuss about me having to go visit his family when we went “back home”. My family lived just a few minutes away and rarely would he bother going with me to see them but I was expected to give up my time to visit his family even though they didn’t like me.

After a couple of years, exhusband realized that I was not being crazy when I said that I knew Aunt didn’t like me because he heard about some things that she’d said about me and I was absolved of ever having to go to her house again. Amen.

We divorce and I don’t see her for over 10 years (except for at my ex’s sister’s funeral and then it was just in passing). A few weeks ago, right after my ex’s mother died (whom I was still close to and had always gotten along with), I get an email from the Aunt. A long-winded email saying that she knew it was probably a bad time to send it with MIL just dying but her death made her realize that life was too short to have unfinished business.

She said she had no idea why she was so mean to me and said the things that she did (for crying out loud - I was 17 when I met her. A kid! What a beast.) and she was sorry if anything she did ever affected our marriage negatively. Well, yes...yes it did. But really, how does it matter at this date? I’ve been married for over 9 years now to an awesome man and hadn’t thought about any of the things she’d mentioned for over a decade.

She asked for my forgiveness. Bleh. I thought about emailing her back to be polite but decided not to. I have a hard enough time mustering up the gumption to email people who I like talking to to waste keystrokes just to make someone else feel good.




I could probably write an entire post on in-laws. My ex-husband's mother was a manipulative, prescription drug addicted, chain smoking, old bat. And, just like Celeste's ex, I was expected to show up with my baby in tow to every pathetic family dinner and holiday in their nasty ass house where the walls were stained from all the years of smoking and the carpet was torn back to the cement in places. Not to mention my sister-in-law lived with them with her son (no one knew who the father was) and she would disappear for days on end typically on drug binges.

I remember one Christmas she (the sister in law) had come in and thrown her leather jacket on my MIL's bed (where the kids were tripping in and out to see grandma) and out rolls a vial of cocaine. Apparently she didn't see it and I don't know how long it was on the bed before I walked in and saw it. My baby could have picked that up! I flipped out and my ex (who was still trying to act like Mr. Wonderful back then) threw a fit and dumped it down the toilet. But, the last straw was watching my MIL doze off with a lit cigarette and a long, hot ash dropping onto the back of her hand for almost thirty seconds before she noticed it. My ex just couldn't understand why I didn't want grandma to babysit!

Fast forward to my current MIL... the one who tried to kill me with carcinogenic laden deodorant she was a sweet, nonsmoking, church going lady when I met her. I thought she was a doll. Until the first time I heard her leave a psychotic message for her son at his apartment. It was all down hill from there. My husband adopted my children from my first marriage shortly after we were married. Normally I don't make it a point to explain that but if I didn't it wouldn't make sense why my MIL made a huge deal over "blood relatives, and real grandchildren. My BIL had a son that my MIL was over-the-top obsessed with, even for a first time grandmother. When my husband and I had our youngest, my MIL was over the moon at FINALLY having a granddaughter (didn't matter that her son had adopted my son and daughter) and then proceeded to completely ignore our older children. When she announced a couple of years ago that she was ONLY going to buy Christmas gifts for "the little one" - it was the last straw for my husband. Between that and her psychotic religious rants against evolution, homosexuality, and Muslims, it was time for her to go.

Seriously, I'm skimming the tip of the iceberg here because I could devote an entire post to that woman.

Sorry ladies! I have you beat on the bad in-law department! How can I say that with such confidence? If you knew my sister-in-law you would agree. In fact, you would queen me the Queen of Having Asshat In-laws. You would hoist me on your shoulders and parade me through the streets for having to put up with such a terrible sister-in-law. WHY?

When my two oldest were 5 and 3, she GOT. THEM. HIGH.

Yes, took a bong, and got them high because she thought it would be funny.

See? I win!