Ok. So, I'm pregnant and it's freaking me out.
I look at my abdomen, poke it and think, "Holy shit! There is SOMEBODY in there!"
I'm walking down a flight of stairs and worry about falling down because that could knock my little human loose.
Husband uses some medication that pregnant women aren't even supposed to touch so I stay farther than an arm's length away from him after he uses it.
If I'm driving in the car and smell cigarette smoke from someone outside I take a big breath and hold it as long as I can, hoping that it will be gone by the time I need oxygen again.
If I roll over violently I worry that I'm disturbing my hitchhiker.
I take lukewarm showers instead of the boiling hot baths I love so I don't nuke the baby.
I'm normally a mean-ass, rather hateful person who tries to injure people with my thoughtbeams and I'm trying to tamp that back because I don't want my black thoughtbeams to freak out the baby. On the other hand, when I can't hold back mean thoughts, I tell myself that it's toughening the baby up. Maybe I should cover my belly in tinfoil to shield it from my thoughtbeams.
I'm going to go batshit crazy before giving birth.
I look at my abdomen, poke it and think, "Holy shit! There is SOMEBODY in there!"
I'm walking down a flight of stairs and worry about falling down because that could knock my little human loose.
Husband uses some medication that pregnant women aren't even supposed to touch so I stay farther than an arm's length away from him after he uses it.
If I'm driving in the car and smell cigarette smoke from someone outside I take a big breath and hold it as long as I can, hoping that it will be gone by the time I need oxygen again.
If I roll over violently I worry that I'm disturbing my hitchhiker.
I take lukewarm showers instead of the boiling hot baths I love so I don't nuke the baby.
I'm normally a mean-ass, rather hateful person who tries to injure people with my thoughtbeams and I'm trying to tamp that back because I don't want my black thoughtbeams to freak out the baby. On the other hand, when I can't hold back mean thoughts, I tell myself that it's toughening the baby up. Maybe I should cover my belly in tinfoil to shield it from my thoughtbeams.
I'm going to go batshit crazy before giving birth.
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1 comments:
First pregnancy was all guilt and shame for me. Number two I felt like Mother Earth and all that shit, I went through labor and delivery with no drugs, no pain and 3 pushes. Easy. Number 3 had me paranoid as fuck, worrying about every little thing, paranoid about my health, the baby's health, and at the same time feeling a lot like those poor people in Alien.
So... don't feel crazy... it's alllll part of the game. Pregnant ladies are strange and the entire world loves a pregnant chick. Seriously - that's why they still rock the tables at Hooters. ;)
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