The second Christmas that my exhusband and I were together was the first time that my father met him when he stayed a few days with us.

Ex spent every spare moment drunk with his cousin.

The tree was up, there were presents for him under it but not a single thing for me. We’d put our stockings up at the same time the tree went up and the plan was to fill them for each other up til Christmas morning and then look into them. His stocking was nice and bulky and mine didn’t have a damn thing in it.

My father was kind of curious as to why there still wasn’t anything for me under the tree when December 23rd rolled around. Ex comes home with something wrapped up that looks like a giant can. He is drunk and tells us that he bought a can of beans while he was out. His cousin keeps telling him that he should get me something else but Ex says that I love him so much that I’d like anything, even a can of beans, for Christmas.

The mood is kind of strained around the house for the next day and a half. The only thing for me from Ex was that package.

I start to open it and get it about halfway open when I see that it REALLY does look like a can of food. My father asks Ex if he needs to take a few minutes to get me something else or did he really want me to finish opening the present. Drunken Ex says I should go on and open it.

It wasn’t beans. It was perfume that came in a container that looked like a can and drunken Ex thought he had played the best joke EVER.

It was a shitty present because the week leading up to it was horrid.

I still wear that kind of perfume occasionally. Current Husband likes it but I don’t think I’ve ever told him the story of how I was introduced to the perfume.