It was November of 1994. My sister and I were walking around the local Wallyworld and decided to check out their fabulous jewelry selection. We are looking around and realize that pretty much everything we saw was ugly as the day is long.

I wander down to the birthstone jewelry. I’d been looking for a birthstone ring for myself for awhile. That is when I spy the most hideous ring I’d ever laid eyes on. It’s my birthstone (peridot) and in a cut that I can’t stand. Marquise cut. (Something about those pointy ends have always freaked me out. I like my gemstones nice and round. Not pointy and mean.) The entire design of the ring is revolting.

My sister walks up and asks what I’m looking at. I show her and tell her that I wouldn’t wear it if it was given to me.

Fast forward to December 25, 1994. First Christmas with my exhusband. Guess what my present was?

I wore it anyway. I was secretly relieved when the stone chipped on something so I had an excuse to not wear it anymore. In retrospect, if he couldn’t remember my insane rant about marquise cut gemstones freaking me out when we were talking about engagement rings...I guess he really didn’t listen to me much.

A few years later, he spent the whole week drunk with his buddies while my dad was visiting us for the holiday and didn't put a present for me under the tree til Christmas Eve. It was shaped like a can of beans. He told me and my dad that it was a can of beans. I opened it to find perfume. I was disappointed that it really wasn't beans so I could throw them at him for contributing to such a shitty week.